So your ready to let Kevin go.

Are you up for a battle?  The battle is with yourself.  Its so hard letting someone you love go.  Its almost like your mind can't make sense of it. 

Why would you let someone you LOVE go?

Although there are so many reasons why.  I know.  I'm going through this exact same thing myself.

Keep telling yourself your gonna let Kevin go.  Keep reminding yourself why.  You can do it.  Its just gonna take some time.

xoxoxoxoxo

Hey Girl,

You are very pretty and  your eyes are beautiful. 

Ahh, your a cutie!  Look at those eyes!

To answer your questions, yep I'm still with hubby.  And wow I would love to have you at our hotel.  You have PLENTY experience.  We could have great fun. *giggles*

Thanks for reading some of the entries in my diary.  I know its crazy but.....

I guess thats life.

I'll have to reach back in your diary and see who this Kevin is that you think about from time to time.

xoxoxoxoxo

Oh geez girl...if it wasn't for the engaged part, I would be all for it.  Not that I have anything to say about anyone else's love/sex life, since mine is a mess...What does he say?  Does he think this was a one time thing, a fling, is he actually interested?

As far as your comment to me, I love E, and I want to be with him.  The problem is, of course, that he's in prison.  Charles is here, and I have history with him.  I have an entry back in December called "Charles" from when I first got back in contact with him after nearly a decade.  I've always wanted him bad, but I couldn't have him...and now I do.  I think that's probably why I don't just let him go now. 

Regardless of any of that though, I don't want him to interfere with my relationship with E, I don't think he's worth it.  A year of celibacy won't work either though, so I really don't know what to do.

first of all congratulations for rediscovering that you are a woman with needs. he may not be Kevin but he may be someone better, maybe you need to give him a chance to be him not the kevin in your mind and heart...i am obviously not keen on ppl who cheat (lol shocking huh!!) but i guess sometimes things happen for a reason..i will try to update my diary while away and even include some pics of lovely sydney for you

you deserve so much better thanthat. I agree with comments before mine, that hes not going to commit, but it is hard to break away from something that has become the norm, even if its something that is bad for you. just remember, you deserve so much more.

[candigurrl87]

I'm sorry you have to work and everything, but like you said, it's just a crap commercial holiday anyway, something just made up to force us to spend too much money. 

Anyway, I hope you have a good day anyway!

Ok. After reading all the BS thrown yoru way by other commenters I feel the responsibility of putting you back on track, my sweet derailed cake train.

Flash news: This guy is NOT GOING TO COMMIT. From your entries I can see he has being given a hand, an arm and a tit and still he just wants to live a different kind of life.

I bet you have watched "Breakfast at Tiffany's", right? Well, invert the roles, you are the guy and he is the girl with the cat mask...

Hendel wrote "Do not try to teach a pig how to sing..." right? Your pig is not going to sing no matter how desperately you try to make him do so.

Actually, he is not a pig, he is not a bad guy, he is just wired differently. I can clearly see he wants out, and you keep trying to pull him in...

He is 31, he should know what he wants by now. I can see you want commitment, he wants to fly around, you are different, you can not cahnge him. You can cry over him and beat the crap out of your brain and still will get the same thing because the sky is blue and no matter how red you want the sky to be it will still be blue. Don't do like the Bolcheviks...don't try to change nature. Nature will always win.

Now dear, I am completely serious. Let me hold your hand and open your eyes. Do not hate him, do not stay with him any longer. Is time to move on, dear. Empty your heart, take a shower, have a fresh start. Close this chapter once and for all. Be brave, sweetheart, delete his emails, his phone number. Trust me, if he is ever ready he will find you. Is time to regain your balance. Take my words, eat my words, cleanse your mind, take a shower and wash away all this mess.

You are a different person. You are no longer who you were while with him, you have to let go both him and the old you.

Are you going to do that for me? Are you going to forgive him, to keep the good memories and move over? Are you going to stop feeling for him? You have the key, I can hold your hand but only you can twist that lock. Close that chapter once and for all.

Do it for me, darling.

Ephesians 4:29

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

i meant to write and thank you for all the lovely comments...i got around to it eventually, im not a bitch i swear hahah...

i know its so much easier said than done but seriously, Seriously, SERIOUSLY always listen to your brain over your heart. the vast majority of the time, the brain is right...the heart just makes people act like an idiot...

love love love

thankx   and sorry about what happened with him you did the right thing by leaving    and i understand what you are going through i know it sux   hopefully either he will grow up or you will find someone new    josh is 20 and he seems like he is going through that trying to figure out who he is thing which i am too so i understand that but i told him if he is drinking to try and not deal with prob. it's not going to work cuz when the drinks wear off he will feel the same if not worse  i wish he would grow up a lil and figure that out for himself   i am 17 and i know that so he should be able to figure it out 
   me and josh have known each other for four years and we have gone out three times in the past and so we kinda have a history   i haven't ever seen him drunk but just the way he talked about it scared me a lil cuz i didn't think he drank that often  he has left me for ex gf's three times every single time we went out after about a month he would break up with me and he would try to be as nice as possible about it but then later i found out he was back with and ex every time  he has apologised allot for all he has done but it doesn't make much of a difference  there is so much anger and pain around the situation idk if we can be friends again like we used to   

XoXo

Yeah, he's at army bootcamp right now but he is deff. worth staying faithful to...I love him with all my heart  Thank you for the comment!

And...good luck with the 31 yr old. Your heart isn't always right...don't settle for less than you deserve! Youre very pretty too

[ArmyNatlGrdGrlfrnd]

thanks for the good advice for Chrispy! God bless you! How was your day? I hope all is well. I have a cold and a burn leg, but I am doing okay!!!!

Later!

Haha, no. I don't take that offensively. But it's kind of difficult to find that person whose life sucks mroe than mine that the moment----at least, someone I know and thus can compare myself to. Hell, even my mommy, who was diagnosed with breast cancer about a month into my chemotherapy, is going to have less chemo than myself. She's had less problems with her chemo (i.e. no ER visits, no uber added meds, etc).

I do try to keep a positive attitude and see good things. Like my Make A Wish trip to Atlantis Resort. But it was a bit of a blow having that extra chemo added. However, having supportive friends and amazing teachers and doctors in my life help me to keep my head up.

Thank you so much for your comment. Seriously, sometimes it's nice having people tell me to keep my head up and not just go "awww, you poor thing."

Maggie :-)

P.S. If you want to know more about my disease, check out www.histio.org. Not many people know about it, and frankly, ignorance is NOT bliss.

I haven't read much of your past entries (I probably will though), but your situation with him reminds me so much of my ex M.  I felt exactly the way you're talking about in this entry...knowing he was no good for me, but still not being able to walk away.  Just reading this reminded me of why I definitely didn't need to see him tonite...aren't they sh*ts?

I don't think guys generally want to have sex with a girl when they are on their period, but it happens in relationships where a couple has been together long enough to not care about that kind of thing. I think that you are overreacting if you are hurt by him not wanting you while you're bleeding..

what exactly is the point in waiting a year for this guy to come around when he makes you feel like sh*t all the time?

I wish I could have one of my famous a**h*** remarks to spark a smile on you, but I know what you have being through...I know it well enough to tell you that you may be able to conceal the pain, for a while, but only time will tell you whether you will forget this person completely.

And I wish I did not bow never to lie on this diary, and I wish I didn't have to let you know that at times I wake up with sore eyes because I have being crying even in my dreams, even more than 10 years later. But then, I would be lying to myself and to you.

The show must go on dear, and you will have your share of pain and tears, and then some. You may find someone down the line able to remove the pain completely, or, like me, you may have to simply tough it up and, once in a while, go to a quiet concealed place to let go of the building up of pain.

I wish I could lie to you my dear, but when you give your heart away the only thing you can do is build a new one, changing yourself in the process and becoming a new person, and even so there may be some tiny pieces of him embedded forever in your very soul.

Wish you can recover from this one.

Mark.

1. What did you do in 2007 that you'd never done before? Started an online diary.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I resolved not to kill anyone and I didn't, but seriously I didn't make any so I couldn't keep them. 
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? No but one of my friend is expecting
4. Did anyone close to you die? Sadly yes, suicide last March
5. What countries did you visit? None
6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007? Great wealth
7. What date from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? Nothing really
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Nothing
9. What was your biggest failure? Everything, maybe not
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Yes, I actually got the stomach Flu.
11. What was the best thing you bought? I got the girl that I love a cute little stuffed animal lizard. I don't know how she felt bout it because she lives far away but her mom got it to her.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? I don't know
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? My brother, he can be so selfish
14. Where did most of your money go? Water
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? I don't know
16. What song will always remind you of 2007? "I don't think hat I have a song
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. Happier or Sadder?: About the same
ii. Thinner or Fatter than last year?: Fatter, I went on a road trip and haven't lost that weight yet.
iii. Richer or Poorer?: A little richer
18. What do you wish you'd done more of? Living
19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Stuff that I'd rather not talk about
20. How will you be spending Christmas? With my family
22. Did you fall in love in 2007? No, I jumped.
23. How many one-night stands? None
24. What was your favorite TV program? Stargate SG-1 I guess
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? Not that I can think of
26. What was the best book you read? "A Tale Of Two Cities" by Charles Dickens
27. What was your greatest musical discovery? Reliant K
28. What did you want and get? Three CDs by Reliant K
29. What did you want and not get? I think I probably have over a hundred CDs on my wish list and I only got three so a lot, plus the movies and books that I wanted.
30. What was your favorite film of this year? Ghost Rider
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? That is a good question, nothing special, I turned 26
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Getting with the girl that I love
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007? Fashion is for people with taste. I personally like the look of capes.
34. What kept you sane? Kept? This is assuming that I was same to begin with.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Ashlee Simpson
36. What political issue stirred you the most? There were so many that I can't think of just one.
37. Who did you miss? The girl that I love
38. Who was the best new person you met? I haven't met too many new people
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007? People don't like the truth and will go out of their to believe a lie if it allows them to live however they want to, no matter who it hurts.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. "It's been one of those days for a lot of days now."  Not Done Yet by Superchick

Aleksandr

Yeah, running into the issue of being pregnant is never an easy thing. I wasn't ready either, but then I guess when you get pregnant and decide to stay that way, the choice to be ready just comes with the territory of being a mom. It's great fun though, once you are ready to have one. But they deff. weigh down your freedom to an extreme. Glad to read you aren't pregnant. :)

I really hope that one day you will find someone that will actually treat you like you deserve to be treated. It really sounds like Kevin isn't someone worth wasting your time when there are so many others out there that would actually love to be with you.

I tried e-mailing you this past week but I'm not sure if you got it. :) Just let me know if you got it or not.

*Hugs*

thanks for the comment... and the slut thing didn't start until after he had left. I know it's stupid and it isn't right but i have this problem where i only focus on the good stuff before he left.  

he's coming home for a couple of weeks soon... maybe i'll talk to him then... but i'm too much of a chicken so i doubt i actually will

and the last part of your entry intrigues me... i think i'll have to read more of your diary to completely understand though and i'll comment more later :)

thank you for my comment and yes I met him once before and the date went very well, i've posted an entry on it. :)
xxx

It's best that you walked away. It'll prove if he cares or not. if he tries to win u back, he cares. if he doesnt, you can do better. I wish I had the courage to do what you did. Everything will work out for the best.

Best of luck!

I read this because that movie was hilarious and I don't even like the Simpsons.

He's using you. Move on. Maybe he'll come crawling back ready to commit. If he doesn't, you're already gone.

I have to agree with the other two comments.  No one deserves to be led on or treated like that.  You have to look in your heart and really think about what you want.  Do you want to keep going on with this guy, knowing that he's not going to commit to you?  Only you know what you really want.   BTW thanks for the comments!

photobucket ( search for couple)

you deserve for him to commit if he cant or doesnt want to then  tell him to f*** off, you deserve someone that will commit to you

take care

good luck

Hi welcome back.

I've been alright, ups and downs as usual. :P and yourself?

Umm that picture, I'm sorry. I really can't remember where I got it. But you can prolly find some interesting stuff, pics like that if you go on photobucket. :]

<3

Kat

Hey girl! It's been a LONG time since we've talked. I hope you're doing okay!!!! You can hit up my myspace page if you want.

www.myspace.com/juliannesmom

Talk to you later girl!

I sent you the pics... Did you receive them?

[Just Mia]

Thanks so much ^___^

I hope you're well too.

Take care!

<3

Kat

Im not so sure about posting pictrues here on MDD....  Maybe some of the views. If you want a picture from me, just give me your email and Ill send you some.

Have you ever said what your name was???  

Love

Mia

Yay for book-worms! Lol.   Yeah I so agree, it's a healthy way of doing something you enjoy..and like it's educational too?? Lol. I might head down to get some books from the library later but I don't even think I should be reading too much cos of all the homework and studying I should do.

I know, feeling like you wanna give up is such a bad feeling. But you can't let the negative things get on top of you. Don't lose hope. (:  It's not a catholic church I go to so we don't have priests but yeah our pastor is really nice. Hey but you're not in Australia.. haha.. x.x  I'm sure there's good churches where you are too. Just be careful though cos a lot of it isn't like right in their teachings and stuff but yeah, I'm still learning myself. Do you have any Christian friends? Maybe you could ask them if you could come along with them next time. I'm really happy to hear you're interested. ((:

Take care,
Kat

Im glad to see you're moving on!.

I also think Jessica Rabbit is very sexy! Cartoon or not! lol.

Big kiss

Mia

Hey thanks for the tips. Too bad I don't have a bike. Lol. Ah well. I'll juss do my best with what I've got so far and hope it works out! =P

Kat

I read your note to that lenahan character.  I do agree with what you said.  There are so many things that we are told that we should want, and it brainwashes us into thinking that we do want these things.  I never wanted to get married and have children.  I am married and have a child, I love to death.  But that was not what I "dreamed" about as a child.  Society is brutal to women by telling us that we should want this and that, and then if we dont, we are not real women.  I am a psychology student and I when I started reading his diary, many red flags went up.  It will be interesting to see if he is truthful in his answer.  His words are classic for a man that has been burned.  Plus, I dont understand how any mentally healthy person can want a life like this guy says he leads.    But hey, to each their own.  That is what is great about America, he can live like that and spread his pain and any disease that he may pick up along the way, and not be jailed like in other countries.

Hey, there is nothing wrong with a 30 year old man that has never been married, that is another thing that society tries to convince us of.  You just trudge ahead and be happy  and have a good dinner, and WHATEVER happens afterwards

unfortunatly guys are usually attracted to women they "cant" have, or that play hard to get.....so maybe if you play a little hard to get he will be more interested. Enjoy the good sex while you can, its way more exciting when your not married!

Ive been on the opposite side of the situation you are in....i was the one not wanting to commit. And for a while it was great....until he told me he loved me....then i ran....far far away because he was not husband material. It may take some time, but things will work themselves out.

[crystalmm]

Your entries are far from pointless. Being creative is completely different than competing in a popularity contest , which is what many here do. Keep on keepin' on.

-B

Just a note. I did NOT complimented Nicole. That is the irony of it. Girls love to be treated badly.

Kiss in your ass.

Mark.

wasnt she in that movie with the cartoons and the people in it (not space jam, but the one with roger rabbit?)

oh and do you work at a vet or something?

love love love

Spank-bank, finger-bang...I love your writings, dear!

On the other hand, you did not have sex yet...is all an illusion. Let me come to Canada and show you the real deal :)